As I look down at the baby asleep while I write this, I still can’t believe the direction that my life has taken. I’m thankful everyday that Paxon is so healthy and I have the opportunity to be in Seattle while he’s growing up.
I stumbled onto this poem by Rupi Kaur and it hit me in a place I didn’t know was vulnerable when I found it. Paxon is a piece of me and a piece of the man I love and, all so suddenly, I want the world for him.
The week started off more promising. I only had a few nights left at the hotel before I was finally able to settle down at the Ronald McDonald House. As much as I would love to stay in the fluffy hotel beds for the rest of my life, I’m not sure how much longer I could fork out money for a Lyft four times a day so I could see Paxon at Deaconess.
Living in a hotel in Spokane made me feel spoiled. I loved the room I stayed in. The comfortable beds were my oasis through the whole situation. My treat every few days was Starbucks. It was only a few blocks away. People didn’t want me walking but I was going a little bit insane laying around all the time.
There’s no right way to have a pregnancy announcement, gender reveal and give birth in under 24 hours, but Micah and I are now experts at that sort of thing.
People kept asking us how we were taking everything, and all we could do was keep moving forward because we are now responsible for another human being.
I’ve deleted and rewrote this so many times, but my last post was extremely “me, me, me”…
I want everyone who has helped me through this situation to know how much I appreciate them. No words can ever fully express how important your help is in figuring all of this out.
All my life I’ve had such a rough time with periods and any other thing that women are supposed to be able to do easily and naturally. This led me to believe I may never be able to have children. It was never really in my plans to start off with, but I would rather tell the world I didn’t want to have kids than have that reality handed to me without any choice.